So, here’s the short of it: tickets to All the Great Books (abridged) are collecting dust, and no one who’s seen our production can understand why. This show is of the same quality, caliber, humor and performance as our (abridged) productions of Shakespeare, America and Bible. Same cast & crew. Same venue. Same time of year. Same overwhelming responses from audience members… at least the ones who have seen it.

True, there are other productions that opened in January, but none of them are comparable to what we’re doing. It’s not like there are 16 hard hitting comedies playing in local theaters.

True, we’re also opening another show in January, This is How it Goes, which also deserves attention.

But, since this show has been so dependable, from a business standpoint, Jobsite depended on Books to do what all the other (abridged) shows have done for us: to financially support a bulk of our season. Books sells out, it advertises This is How it Goes, it sells our subscriptions, it exposes new and old people to Jobsite, it brings in the budget for the Mamet’s and Churchill’s and Gobioff & Paonessa’s – shows that need that budget. Sure, all our shows do that, but to a much lesser degree than an (abridged) show ever can.

My point is, this isn’t just another pitch to get you to come out to a Jobsite show. Well, it is, but it’s a pitch for help to get people to a show that’s really critical to Jobsite. This is something that has historically proven solid for us, and we quite judiciously banked on it, and people are suddenly not showing up for what is dollar for dollar probably one of the best and most entertaining ticket deals in the Bay.

People who have seen it are vocal. For example: see here, and here and here.

Please, if you have a minute, either e-mail or blog about the show to your Tampa peeps. My contacts/lj lurkers either don’t live in Tampa any more, or they do live here but are already hard-selling the show.

If you want, feel free to link back to this post. Or copy and paste it. It’s free copy. Take it. Spread it like herpes at Gasparilla. Whatever floats. Just please help get the word out.

Falcons' QB Michael Vick raises suspicion at Miami airport

This has so many different shades of stupidity and hubris, I don't even know where to begin. Of all the "vessels" to hide his weed in, he chose the most obviously prohibited container - a bottle of water. And he was carrying it. And it was somehow specially designed to hide the weed. So at some point, someone said, "hey, I know, let's make a James Bond weed hider - from a water bottle – and just make sure you're carrying it so security can see you when you're trying to get on the plane." You'd be better off with your weed in a bong duct taped to your face.

Here's another question. Why is one of America's most highly overpaid/overrated athletes taking AirTran from Miami to Atlanta? These are massive airports. There are plenty of options besides the former-SunAir, which changed names after one of their planes flew into Everglades like a dart. When you have a $130-million contract over 10 years, what the fuck are you doing with your money? You sure as fuck aren’t spending it on an airline that’s guaranteed to not make you feel like an annoying piece of human freight with no where to go soon before you lift off the tarmac.

Take a look at the history of certain football players, who 1) enjoyed large amounts of fame when they played, 2) were paid very well, and 3) eventually got busted for stupid behavior and probably are now broke from blowing their wad on hookers, drugs and legal fees. There are trends here, folks, and if Michael Vick is getting busted for being this stupid while flying AirTran, I promise this won’t be the last time we see Vick.

And the stupid gets stupider. No where did the police or security actually do anything. They recognized he's Michael Vick. That's like fucking diplomatic immunity in Miami. The have video of him throwing it away, after he pissed and moaned about getting rid of it. So, they called the NFL, which can test him, maybe before the preseason starts in August.

I'm walking away from my desk now.

Prior to the 2000 election, I used to tell people that all I wanted was a two-party system. More often than not, they’d look at me and say, “But there’s the Republicans and the Democrats.”

And I would respond, “Exactly.”

Then the Great Uniter got elected, and George W. “Mr. Bipartisan” Bush led a team of… we’ll call them people, who generated a divide that rivaled the Marianas Trench. At first, it looked like the typical divide between the Grand Old Party and the Democrats. Then it was a divide between the GOP and “them” – specifically anyone who disagreed with them, publicly branded as unpatriotic on a good day to a motherfucking terrorist with a vial of nuclear anthrax wedged up their ass at a gay orgy on a bad day.

It was “my way or the highway,” as the guy who swore to bring everyone in government back together drove a wedge between the White House and every disagreeable government, then every agreeable government, then it’s own government, and through it all – the American people.

I predicted – and history backed me up – that this hubris, blatant strong-arming and division can’t endure more than six years without a backlash.

So, the Democrats got back into the game.

However, the Democrats didn’t win by virtue of uniting under one banner against the other team. They did, but not so much. They didn’t win so much as the other team lost.

While the president of the Evangelical whathaveyou was outed as a meth-addicted purveyor of male prostitutes, it was announced weeks before the election that W. (he’s the Great Uniter, by the way) used the Christian Right – his “base” – for their money and their vote and didn’t care what they wanted from the White House.

After the fallout, the Republicans turned on each other. John McCain, previously seen as the next natural Republican Presidential candidate, can’t get support from the staunch right wing of his own party, because he’s not a staunch right wing kinda guy, but he can’t get a grip on the general moderate of any party, because (among other things) he gives speeches to Christian fundamentalist right-wing groups.

But here’s where it turns weird.

Yesterday, the House Democrats broke with their incoming Speaker, Nancy Pelosi, and elected Rep. Steny H. Hoyer to be House majority leader. Hoyer got 63 more votes than Pelosi’s choice Murtha.

It gets better. Everyone, especially Pelosi and Murtha, thought it would be a real horse race. Pelosi was making the hard calls, and they were pledging their votes for Murtha. But, somewhere in the mix, about 60 Democrats lied to their new, vaunted Speaker. It was the first real political action the first female House leader made. And she tanked.

All week, Democrats have been pointing fingers at each other, like they lost the election (again). I won’t even get into who’s blaming who, but it’s a bunch of crap about who takes credit for winning, and who gets blamed for not winning enough. From the average American Joe’s perspective, this looks like high school locker drama bullshit. And to an extent it is. It’s the kind of behavior that makes you shake your head and silently whisper to yourself, “Can’t you fucking assholes get along and actually accomplish something, like balance the goddamn checkbook or something?”

However, I don’t see it that way. I want this division. I want this angst and disagreement, and I’ll tell you what turned the table for me:

According to today’s Slate:

[T]his whole conflict "sent a clear signal of what kind of leader [Pelosi] is: an old-style politician who puts a premium on personal loyalty, even at the risk of high-profile defeat."

James Moran of Virginia, didn't seem to get over his bitterness and said "there are a number of members who can't be trusted," as a reference to those who had pledged to elect Murtha but changed their vote. Apparently he didn't receive the reconciliation memo, because he went on to say those who voted against Murtha "will be damaged by this," reports the Washington Post.

Hrm. A premium on personal loyalty. A join us or perish philosophy. Obvious overtures of deception, backstabbing and division whose only pronounced solution is punishing “them”. Okay, sure it sounds like an episode of the Sopranos. But it also reminds me of the Republican party for the last six years, except the Republican party folded into this philosophy. They bought into the bullying, and the reward was six years of strong-arming their policies into effect.

And look what it got us:

War. Torture. An astronomical amount of financial debt. Warrantless spying. Prison with no trial. No accountability. No responsibility. No planning. No oversight. Ruthless neglect. And the conversion of the US Government into an even greater bureaucracy. This is the closest our government has ever come to the term “Orwellian.”

And this is from the party that wants to reduce government and spend less money. Imagine what a party like the Democrats would do if they had free reign and could bully everyone they wanted to for a change.

It’d be a disaster. And we’d have a one party system. Again.

But instead, there is open disagreement on both fronts. Hell, there’s more than two fronts. You could probably divide each Party into three factions. That’s six little groups of disagreeing bastards. The black and white is turning into shades of gray. And this, folks – this is how third parties get invented. When enough people, perhaps like Leiberman or McCain – set themselves apart and push away from both tables. And whether that third party forms a party, or just forms a coalition of issues, that’s historically when things get done. Things don’t happen in one party, because, when one group dominates, all they have to do is stay in power. They don’t have to actually accomplish anything. But when no one can dominate, then everyone has to perform.

Traditionally, third parties dissolve quickly in American history. But their causes, their issues, and their people carry on and alter the course of government. We’ve seen what six years of a single party government can accomplish. I hope the Democrats take the gloves off and start killing each other. And the Republicans should too – they got nothing to lose. Then, maybe, we’ll actually get a government of people that have to work for a living.

Ah... gray, stormy sky. Kinda cool out, if not a little ominous. Must be Election Day.

I made a down payment on my old-man membership and voted first thing this morning before work. I was rather encouraged: around 7:45 there were about 14 booths at my polling station, and I had to wait for one to open up. There were about 4 or 5 people behind me in line, too, so just a head's up if you're voting today - you might have to wait.

Just to get you warmed up into the grandest of political junkie holidays, here are few links.

You know things are getting heavy and heated, when you hear hecklers at a rally, and who better to heckle than George "I was a teenaged KKK wizard" Allen. I heard this last night on NPR and was laughing my balls off in traffic. Listen in the background around the 1:40 mark.

If you haven't voted yet, Creative Loafing and the St. Petersburg Times offer some pretty good crib notes on who you're voting for. Not saying vote for who they tell you to vote, but it's a good read. ESPECIALLY on those goddamn sneaky Amendments. For the Times article, scroll to the bottom.

For a completely unbiased (if a little confusing) view of all things Florida politics, check out VoteSmartFlorida.org.

And a little Simpsons for dessert. This includes a line that was edited from the Nov. 5 airing. I wish I'd watched the whole episode. Looks like it was a good one. But even if you didn't, there's enough here to see what they aired.

BTW - special thanks to everyone at tampa who provided the CL, Times, and VoteSmartFlorida links.

And HAPPY BIRTHDAY critus. I hope you get all the flaming homo-loving tax and spend cut and run liberal pussies elected that you wish for.

Okay kids, I only have about 5 minutes of fun left in fluorescent light land, but I think we've all earned our links this week, and some of these need to be checked out now, lest I miss any timely fun. So here it is, the quick links:

LAST WEEKEND


Politics

Yeah, I'm sick of the fucking elections too, but just in case you forgot why certain people were such a bunch of twunts:
A blueprint for Iraqi regime change... interesting, since it was drawn up before the Great Uniter even got elected President in the first place, let alone all that 9/11 stuff.
Fun with voting has already begun! Hoo-doggeys. Sadly, this is like the first in a 29 part series of various articles that I've come across, and I already lost hope in linking all of them after the first.
And to sweeten the deal, watch Stephen Colbert take a chunk out of Rush Limbaugh's arrogant ass. Hoo Lard!

Best Toys Ever
You have no idea how tempted I am to make one of these.
Now, I know what you're thinking: Halloween's over. But y'know, I just don't see why this should be strictly related to Halloween (make sure you watch the video). I say replace those ridiculous statues of little negro men holding lamps on your front lawn and make a birdbath out of this. Or better yet, get a bunch of Bush/Cheney shirts and line up about 2,000 of these along the sidewalk of whereever the President's limo drives. There's some fun protest action.

Fun with Media
A bunch of pictures. That's it. They're amusing.
STICKY BALLS! That would be my favorite worst video game title ever. Check out 49 others just like it!
And... drumroll please. 2/3's of the MST3K crew are back, and you can download their take to Star Wars Episode 1. Fuck yeah! It's finally worth watching!

Hey, look at that. I just got apathy whiplash – that moment when you’re at work and you spontaneously don’t give a fuck about anything you’re doing there.

So, it’s been awhile since I posted a crapload of links.

Buy your tickets now!

It really is as great as everyone says it is. We sold out opening weekend for a reason. Do yourself a favor and get your tickets now while you still have a say on what night you can get a ticket. Or don’t take my word for it: check out the bazillion comments and reviews on the Pillowman Media page.

Turning Japanese
Y’know, for a culture with a reputation for being the biggest workaholics of the world, these people sure have a lot of frickin’ free time. Watch them apply their ninja tactics to descending a flight of stairs (among other things) and holding a pen.

Film
I must see this.

For all y’all independent artistic industry peeps out there – especially the Jobsite kids – you have to see how Terry Gilliam is raising money for his next film. This is great.

Media Tech
Since iTunes (one of my all-time favorite software apps) released 7.x, it’s been both very impressive and a major pain in my machine’s ass. It only agrees with my iPod about 10% of the time, and it’s a fucking memory pig, randomly jumping from 40Mb to 150Mb, not including the 3 startup side programs that are set to remain active from the moment you boot.

So, some indy’s got a program coming out called Songbird. It’s in dev-mode (pre-alpha?) but you can download it anyway, and it’s made me very curious. Despite that its logo is a fat farting bird, it’s got some groovy functionality that’s worth checking out. At the very least, check out this features video and this one too. And since it’s Firefox based, there will be extensions (like an iPod sync.) Someone want to give it a shot?

The Miscellaneous
Highly entertaining – the concert rider for Iggy Pop and the Stooges.

A great remedy for telemarketers.

A very cool little web toy that enables you to compare what you’re buying online to a relative visual reference. Even if you don’t use it, worth playing with it for a minute.

Sure, you were born in the year of the yak, but what other useless minutia don’t you know about the day you were born?

Dig the groovy illusion: Maggie Thatcher’s a cow no matter how you look at her. MAGIC!

Take a nice long look at this photo. Seriously. Check it out. When you’re done, click the jump below.


( About the picture )

It’s been a slow week on the internets. Or maybe I wasn’t wasting as much time on it. At any rate, here’s a bunch of links:

Who Needs Cable, when you have YouTube?
Too early for Steve Irwin jokes? Fuck that. Look, it’s Norm McDonald being funny. Honest.

Holy crap, I want one of these. Imagine attaching a small, remote video camera to it.

In the News – the news is fake. Lewis Black provides some investigative journalism on investigative journalism (and the lack thereof.) Highly recommended.

Politics
Here’s some three-year-old news that I just found out: George Bush’s brother, Marvin P. (yes, that’s really his name), was a head honcho for a security firm that, among other things, ran security for the World Trade Center until 9/11. I reckon the firm has since lost that account. Now, I’m really not drawing any conspiracy theories, because frankly, I don’t know of any security forces – especially our military – that can prevent Boeings from flying into buildings, but doesn’t that little tidbit strike you as a little weird? Is it just me? Seriously, what kind of a fucking coincidence is that?

I’m gonna whip somebody’s ass
After zefrank’s conversation with the light post, check out the remix of “I’m gonna whip somebody’s ass.”

Go ahead. Watch it. I dare ya.
Talk about creepy. Imagine, it’s 11:30 at night, all the lights are off, except for the warm fuzzy glow from the television – a nice quiet episode of Dr. Who. And then you see THIS!

Here’s a little supplemental from the next night’s CBS news to explain a little more of what that is.

Getcher rock on.


Hey, look at the douchebag!
Ever wonder how much respect a TV reporter has for the entire nation during a storm?

Politics
45 percent of those polled blame the Bush administration “either a ‘great deal’ or a ‘moderate amount,’ for the 9/11 attacks." Blame. I recommend you stock up on your popcorn now for the midterm elections.

This has to be the best practical joke ever. Evidently George Bush has to meet with President Nazarbayev of Kazakhstan to diplomatically smooth some wrinkles caused by a movie featuring Ali G creator/performer Sacha Baron Cohen. Apparently, the problem is the US has decided to not censor Baron Cohen’s movie based on his Kazakh-based character, Borat, and the Kazakhs are afraid that Borat will MAKE THE ENTIRE COUNTRY LOOK BAD. Back when Kazakhstan threatened to sue Cohen, “Borat” responded on a video saying, “I'd like to state I have no connection with Mr. Cohen and fully support my Government's decision to sue this Jew.” This is awesome. Bush has to have diplomatically talk about shit with people that are more fickle and mentally repressed than he is.

Cool Art Stuff
This is actually a cool effort. Someone used the Half-Life 2 video game engine to create a virtual tour of Frank Lloyd Wright's "Falling Water" structure.


Dig the groovy sculpture that you can’t see in Tampa because the art museum, or what’s left of it, sucks and never shows cool stuff like this.

HTS
Yes, you too now interact with your own high-tech duckpond simulator. Swear to God.

And finally…
Behold – Pjotro!

So I missed last week's post, and this week's is a bit late, so here's a bunch of stuff that's been collecting in my bookmarks folder - but there's some tasty stuff here, I promise.

Fun with Pictures
We'll start easy. I don't know why I find this so enjoyable, but SomethingAwful went old school. Their Photoshop geeks took a random boring picture and just played around with it, putting the people in it in different situations. Why am I explaining this? Just check it out. It's fun.

In the News
Men's Health magazine has done some research (no, I don’t know how) that has determined that the angriest city in the country is Orlando. St. Pete’s #2. Miami only made a whopping #7. And Jacksonville is #9. If you connect the dots, then apparently Tampa is the nexus of hatred. Did I mention that the study was national and not just of Florida?

A federal appeals court ruled that if a motorist is carrying large sums of money, it is automatically subject to confiscation. No shit. Apparently having more than a certain (unspecified) amount of money on you is evidence enough that you are guilty of… carrying a lot of money?! That’s a federal offense. Home of the free.

"… that lie we have been told, the separation of church and state, people have internalized, thinking that they needed to avoid politics and that is so wrong because God is the one who chooses our rulers." – Katherine Harris. Those goddamn, evil, baby-killing Founding Fathers fucking lied to us!

Surprisingly, the lovely Katherine Harris and her Orlando Fly-In Rally – whatever that is – were sold out, not just by one invited special guest, but by all of them. Nine invited bigwigs, and about 40 other supporters were all simultaneously having car problems and washing their hair during the event. “They confirmed that they would be here,” Harris said. “I don’t know what the problem is.” Um, maybe the fact that you’re a pariah to the entire Republican party? Or maybe it’s that you’re a psychopathic, Machiavellian, step on your grandma’s jugular in your 4-inch stilettos to rig an election cunt? Just spitballing. Maybe both?

And finally in politics, Make Cupcakes Not War.

Tickled
For reasons that people with an age range +/- 3 years of mine will appreciate, Choose Your Own Adventure.

Best Fiction of the Month
You’ll never watch Star Trek the same again. Read this. Here’s a little sample: “One minute they're sitting around the campfire singing and BOOM there's a giant version of Commander Riker trying to smother them all with his stadium-sized scrotum. I made sure to fake a door lockout too, so they were trapped in there for hours looking at Riker's taint and trying to breathe around his ball bag.”

Video, video, video
Man have I got videos. First – okay, I know this is old, but I hadn’t seen it in awhile. And there’s nothing that funny about the video itself, but you have to watch the whole thing and listen to it in slow motion. No, I don’t know why I think it’s so funny. But I do. Fuck off.

One of the best independent animations EVER: Bring Me the Head of Charlie Brown.

The Office (ala David Brent) is back. Honestly, I haven’t had a chance to watch the whole thing, but it’s an organizational video for Microsoft, and from what I’ve seen, it’s brilliant. The first video is 20 minutes, and the second is like 17 minutes. Great stuff.

The Next Show
Get your tix now. This is a one-time performance you won't want to miss. Also, I've resized this banner, so it's a little more aestetically/bandwidth friendly for everyone's blog. Check out our banners here!

Not a whole helluva lot of tasty stuff found this week. I even waited a day to see if anything cool came up. Maybe people are starting to worry about fillin' up the tubes. Anyway, here they be:

GET THE WORD OUT AND BUY FREAKIN' TICKETS!
We sold 96% of our opening weekend. They're probably the cheapest ticket in town. It's mindlessly fun. But our sales for this weekend our hurting, and something just tells me that we're going to turn people away final weekend, which really sucks when no one shows up this weekend. Please come or if you're not in town, spread the word to those who are. We need the help, and those who go will be glad they do. And if you haven't at least seen the commercial for it - WATCH IT.

Vote!
Best of the Bay voting ends tomorrow. Go vote for your favorite theater company now. More specifically, vote Jobsite. Seriously, it's easy. You do have to fill out like 17 votes to be eligible, but it's a lot easier than it sounds.

Politics
The Republicans "seem to be anxious to tie [the recent London Bomb plot] to al Qaeda.... If that's true, how come we got seven times as many troops in Iraq as in Afghanistan? Why have we imperiled President [Hamid] Karzai's rule and allowed the Taliban to come back into the southern part of Afghanistan? Why was Iraq deemed to be seven times more important than finding the al Qaeda leaders for the last five years?" - Bill Clinton in a tasty little interview.

Make a little contest with yourself: see how far you can get through this article before you punch or curse something. President George Derrrr Bush is apparently frustrated by the lack of Iraqi support for Americans in Iraq. He can't wrap his massive intellect around the fact that "Iraqis had not come to appreciate the sacrifices the United States had made in Iraq, and was puzzled as to how a recent anti-American rally in support of Hezbollah in Baghdad could draw such a large crowd." So... notice that he's totally content and apparently doesn't give a shit about the majority of people in his own country who don't support Derrrr. (FYI - it's a NYTimes article, so it may fall under a login-umbrella any second. Get it while the gettin's good.)

Dead?
I know it's old news by now, but it deserves to be linked. Bruno Kirby croaked Monday. I just about croaked when I head about it on NPR yesterday morning, and the NPR announcer person said Kirby was known for City Slickers 1 and 2 and When Sally Met Harry. Yes, she said "When Sally Met Harry". And she's a female. What the fuck. Why does no one remember him for playing the limo driver in Spinal Tap?

Art/Media
Here's your time killer. The National Portrait Gallery has a tres cool website displaying portrait covers for Time magazine for the last 75 years. Not only are the covers cool, but the site design rawks.

Here’s something interesting. My weekly list of links, while albeit longer than usual, is filled with cool, artistic, or groovy stuff, and not a whole helluva lot of politics. That’s a nice change. Well, it’s a whole buncha links, so I’ll get to it:

Mmmm. Original works. Sketch Comedy. Jobsite. Opening weekend.


Shopping
I’m not really sure why I like to own and display weird crap in my house that fucks with people, but it’s the only reason I want something from here.

Blog o’ the Week
Kathleen Reardon wrote a spot-on blog nailing the Bush Admin’s diplomacy and negotiation style (and lack thereof). It’s a quick read and highly recommended.

Cool Web Stuff
Ever want to know what that song is on the radio? Well, you certainly can’t depend on the DJ anymore, because there isn’t one. However, you can go here.

Rather simple, and nearly pointless, but a cool concept and a nice 3-minute timekiller.

Word on the Street
“Thirty-six percent of respondents overall said it is ‘very likely’ or ‘somewhat likely’ that federal officials either participated in the attacks on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon or took no action to stop them ‘because they wanted the United States to go to war in the Middle East.’”

Groovy Art
I can’t say anything but “cool” for this site. Check out the Bazantar.

A part of me really wants to understand how this works. But a bigger part of me just wants to look at the pretty colors. Scroll down to see the video.

Well… the artists makes really cool stuff. Out of paper. And I’m not talking origami either. Click the A4 Papercut link to start.

Drroooool
I want this. And I don’t even know what I’d use it for. Probably porn. You can probably skip the first minute of the girl who looks a lot like my first grade teacher.

Video Coolness
This is the second funniest thing I’ve seen all month. The first is Jason Evans throwing a baby at a camera, but that video is still in production. So, until then, you must watch Darth Vader Being a Smartass. And no, there's no reason the video why it's flagged as inappropriate. You could show it to a 3-year-old.

And if you’re pants are still tight and wet from that Star Wars goodness, check out the Omen-quality eerieness that was with the very first preview for Star Wars. Tres chic nostalgia goodness.

Here's your week on the interweb:

Politics
I’m still working on a nickname: Train-Wreck. Queen Hubris. The Dragon Lady. There are so many. For right now, I’ll continue calling her the Bush/Cheney 2000 FL Campaign Manager & Twunt In Charge of Florida’s 2000 Elections.

Anyway, Katherine Harris’ campaign is going so swell that the Washington Post felt the urge to remind people that three months ago the Florida Republican Party told Harris they wouldn’t support her US Senate race because she wouldn’t win. In a statement yesterday, Harris called the letter "old news" and said that party chairman, Carole Jean Jordan, had never expressed concerns about her campaign. In her own statement yesterday, Jordan said, "Uh, read the letter you dense twunt. We said you were fucked, and you still are."

In the same article, apparently there’s some hub-bub about MA Gov. Mitt Romney (R) referring to the Big Dig as a “tar baby”. A Romney spokesman told the news agency that the governor was "unaware that some people find the term objectionable and he's sorry if anyone's offended." He will now use the more politically correct “Porch Monkey”.

Back to Harris: the Republican-leaning Tampa Tribune scooped the Times (aw snap!) this morning. Harris concealed a grand jury subpoena from top campaign advisers hired to help her deflect negative publicity. "Finding out about the subpoena caused me to wonder about what was going on and what else I didn't know" said Glenn Hodas, Harris' third and most recent campaign manager. The article does emphasize that the subpoena doesn't mean she's actually potentially guilty for breaking any law. Just that she's lying so much to her own staff, that they're jumping faster than the Titanic. For those keeping score, she's currently working on chief-of-staff number five.

Big Scoop. The Pentagon lied to the 9/11 commission. “Maj. Gen. Larry Arnold and Col. Alan Scott told the commission that NORAD had begun tracking United 93 at 9:16 a.m., but the commission determined that the airliner was not hijacked until 12 minutes later. The military was not aware of the flight until after it had crashed in Pennsylvania.” I guess the panel “debated referring the matter to the Justice Department for criminal investigation“ but opted to pass a note to the inspectors general of the Transportation and Defense depts. Better idea: let’s conduct the next investigation of Maj. Gen. Arnold and Col. Scott at GITMO.

Hollywood
I don’t get. I just don’t get the fucking obsession. People so engrossed over a fucking baby, that they’ll flock to stare at a wax dummy of it. It's a stranger's baby! I hope the next picture someone takes of it is while the kid's being cornholed by Michael Jackson.

Poor Mel. Seriously. I feel bad for the guy. Okay, that said, this is still funny.

And in Mel’s defense, the Daily Show slapped the media’s manipulative methods (my alliteration, thank you) of covering irrelevant shit like Mel Gibson’s recent DUI.

In case you didn’t know
All your snakes are belong to us. Motherfucker.

And of course, the most important link in the world:

Woo-hoo! It’s that time to dig what was on this past week’s Series of Tubes!

Politics
It’s only been a couple weeks since Bush said SHIT over a reporter’s microphone, and I still haven’t chimed in. That’s because I don’t care. However, were I to add anything, zefrank covers it quite nicely.

Because the moral high road wasn’t high enough, Rove bolstered the White House’s case against federal stem cell research by lying. Well, maybe “lying” is a bit harsh. I mean when you just make shit up, then your reality is quite clear. So here’s Rove telling it like it is (except to the rest of the world that has a fact-based reality.)

Probably the best summary and commentary on net neutrality was featured on The Daily Show. Seriously. If you want to get the five-minute low-down on net neutrality without developing narcolepsy, you can do it here.

Watch This
If you click on any link and watch a video this week, this is the one. This isn't Oliver Stone style conspiracy theory. Here is a sworn testimony from a programmer involved in voting programs and machines who explains how he was asked to write code rigging a hypothetical election. I’d love to know where this hearing happened, who was involved, and so on. Nonetheless, this is a quantum leap in exposing our new-fangled voting machines and potentially how the hell monkey-boy got elected (again!)

Fun stuff
Um, this... uh. Well, just click the link and see for yourself.

And here’s an interactive time killer of greatly useless but quasi-creative proportions.

UPDATE: I was going to wait to post this, but Kevin Smith deserves the press before Clerks II opens, so the link should be spread. Kevin Smith talked to Joel Siegel on the radio. Smith's updated his post, and you can hear the interview from his site. Click here and scroll down. Very entertaining. Totally worth a whole listen.

Back again with collected links of note from the past week.

Proof that not all politics suck
On Thursday, "a [New Hampshire] judge gave state Democrats the go-ahead Thursday to question high-ranking Republicans in a civil suit over the jamming of Democrats' phones on Election Day 2002." This is a brick in the Reps' rigged election wall, and with any luck, and it could point back to the White House. Quick thought: didn't tricky Dick get busted for wiretapping DNC rooms prior to an election. Hmmm.

And this just in. Criminal fuckwad and morally corrupt assjackyl Ralph Reed screwed the pooch in Georgia and lost the Lt. Gov. primary. The primary. The Christian Coalition whore couldn't win a Republican primary in Georgia. Guess all that Abramoff/scandal stuff isn't just a bunch of fluff that people will ignore after all.

The Decider Continues to Shock and Awe
The Great Uniter continued his shock and awe campaign at the G8 summit. First there was the weird creepy obsession with eating a pig. Then, of course, he discusses foreign policy secretly into a reporters microphone and says the word, "shit." (I can actually look past that one.) And now, he's fondling the Chancellor of Germany. Click here, and then click the Video link on the left. I think he's actually scored more points this month for being a weird creepy fucker than Kim Jong Il.

Geek Tools
For all y'all that appreciate this kind of geekiness, here's a very cool list of Google operators - apparently Google isn't just a common search engine.

General Entertainment
This poor guy. I want to laugh so badly at the great Jenga sculptor, but then I feel so bad for the poor guy who ruined it. Summary: a short video on a reporter who destroyed someone's Guinness Record effort.

As I said to maladr1n, Kevin Smith found a critic who rivals the assholery of Tampa theater critics. Definitely worth the read.

Entertaining and Geeky?! Tres Cool.
A very cool toy, with very cool design, for music junkies. Just check it out.

Here's my week's top pick of interesting stuff worth checking out on the Internets. It's all work-safe, but you might want headphones for some of it.

Funny Stuff
Turns out British radio personalities are just as juvenile and desperate as American dj's for homemade entertainment value. The difference - like most of British culture vs. American - is they actually stand a chance at being clever. Here's one of the best crank calls I've heard in a while.

I can't even think of something witty to add to this. The wit is in the picture. Just check out the link.

Thank God for Leadership
This video comparison is rather frightenizing. Evidently, our President didn't always talk like an extra from The Ringer (which, btw, wasn't nearly as wrong/funny as it promised.)

Having problems tracking down those evil Iraqi terrorists? The Dept. of Terrorism-Eradicationism and Democratization-Spreading might want to reconsider who it looks to for leadership. The Iraq chapter leader (troop 397) of al-Qaeda might not be leading much. He's in jail. Oh yeah, and he's not in Iraq either.

That's one small speck for man...
Feeling insignificant lately? Pshaw! See a visual representation of you vs. the rest of the world in this pretty graphic. Make sure you use the horizontal scrollbar to get the full picture.

Good Reads
An article about gas prices actually worth reading, if for any other reason to understand why gas prices shoot up overnight, and then take eons to come back down. Well written and a quick read.

"A perfect storm of drenching rain, irony, political rancor, public fear and — at the last minute like a fierce stroke of lightning — word from the highest court in the land, descended on the nation's capital today."

On the same day that George W. Bush said, "There's a debate over whether [global warming is] manmade or naturally caused," a hundred-year-old elm tree fell over the facade to the White House.

ABC News actually does a decent job of bitch slapping the White House.

Ha! The reason I don’t know what net neutrality is is because no one knows what it is. Or they do, but someone else may have a completely different definition.

(I realize this may turn into some sad geek/political obsession, but I am going somewhere with this.)

Last night while flipping channels, I came across a political ad. I only caught the last bit of it, but it was a political ad. You know the type. “If you don’t want so-and-so shitting down your baby’s throat and getting paid millions of dollars of your hard earned tax dollars because of necrophiliac draft dodging lobbyists, vote Yes on resolution 4!” The ad sounded something like that. I specifically heard 1) Google, 2) net neutrality, and 3) legislation. But it was the net neutrality that caught my attention, especially since it’s mid-June and there aren’t any elections in the near future that I know of, so I thought it was rather unusual.

That started me to wonder, if someone is paying for advertising, this is becoming a big deal. And if I don’t know what the hell it is (and I’m actually trying to care and find out), what the hell is the average Joe watching Wheel of Fortune going to know about it? Won’t stop Joe from voting on it, but Joe and I still don’t know what it is.

Well, I just saw this. Turns out, the people gearing up for the fight don’t know what it is either. This is probably the best article I’ve seen on it so far. I’m neither agreeing nor disagreeing with the writer’s position. However, I agree that this is churning into a legislation war that isn’t well defined and can have massive consequences on the Internet and how it operates. Washington chuckleheads voting on something this unknown could be even worse and far reaching than legislation for something that is at least clearly established. Would it be so wrong for everyone to just shut the fuck up for once and see if there’s any research to predicate an argument one way or the other, and while you’re at it, actually determine what the “net neutrality” is seeks legislation?

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